Sunday, January 16, 2011

Flirting with friends
I'm a flirt. I don't flirt immediately .... I don't flirt with everyone. I rarely flirt with men. I flirt with friends...girlfriends. Mostly, girlfriends I am not attracted to. And male friends that I am attracted to, but who are generally considered safe....married, they know I'm a lesbian, etc. I would never go to a bar by myself and flirt with an available man. I might chat, but wouldn't flirt. I like to flirt with the straightest of straight girls who are comfortable in their skin...I also like to flirt with those straight girls who just might take me up on it. My friend Amy is hot, by most people's standards. i flirt with her shamelessly. She is married, happily, to a hot guy named Matt. I knew they had a threesome once with another woman becauase Amy was curious, and of course, so was Matt. What I didn't know was that Amy on several occasions has practiced the art of cunilingus on a couple close girlfriends and they have reciprocated. And Matt has not been invited, however, is aware of the arrangment. Amy and her friends are not gay. Amy does not want to "be" with a woman, but she does like being with women. This makes perfect sense to me. I can see "being" with a man, but not being with a man. I've never been in love with a man, but I think I would enjoy loving a man. It's an interesting thing. I think we are taught to believe that sexuality is about sex or who we like to fuck. Really, what I'm learning more and more, is who we like to fuck isn't necessarily related to gender, but who we love and build our emotional and physical lives with is.

Saturday, January 15, 2011 What do I want to be admired for...I believe ultimately, it's that I am a good person who strives for wholeness. A good parent....good who can be relied upon. I think in our busy world, it is difficult to remember the values that make us who we are. We get wrapped up in our lives and who we are within those lives. Are we truly who we want to be within those lives? Sometimes we don't know until we are thrust out of the comfort zone...oftentimes in ways that cause us great pain and sorrow. But when we re-emerge, we often find a blossom about to bloom...a person we haven't seen in a while or maybe never at all. A person who wants fullness and passion and independence. A person who can mingle confidently amongst a crowd of new people and know that she is worthy, and interesting, and good, and at peace with herself. I want to be known for someone who is comfortable in their own skin...someone who has values and abides by them...someone who loves and breaths in life's passions....someone who wants to raise her children to be empathetic lovers of life and all that it has to offer. While there is much pain and suffering in our world, let us not forget the light at the end of the tunnel and that our journey is about finding the light, and refinding the light even through periods of sadness.